what could have been
by minachandler
Summary: Set between 4x16 and 4x17. Oliver and Laurel let out some of their pent-up emotions on each other through sparring and contemplate what could have been for them. (trigger warning for discussion of a past miscarriage)


(OLIVER walks into the bunker greeted by the clang of the salmon ladder, shoulders slumped, but when he sees LAUREL he manages a smile in her direction. It's still something of a novelty seeing her on the salmon ladder, in a t-shirt and shorts, and when she sees him she jumps down gracefully, gets up and grabs a towel from the rack near her.)

 **LAUREL:** Hey, Ollie. You okay?

 **OLIVER:** You have got to stop asking me that.

 **LAUREL:** Sorry, I just…

 **OLIVER** (shaking his head): No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you.

 **LAUREL:** Do you want to talk about it?

 **OLIVER:** Talk about what?

 **LAUREL** (smiles ruefully): Samantha, William, Felicity, Merlyn, Darhk…

(She trails off when she sees the pain in his eyes, though, stopping short and then reaching for the nearest weapons - her tonfa and Sara's bo-staff.)

 **LAUREL** (throwing the staff at OLIVER, who catches it with surprise): Heads up.

 **OLIVER:** Laurel…

 **LAUREL** (folding her arms): Unless you want to swap. God knows, I could barely handle that thing of Sara's last year but I've gotten pretty good at it now.

 **OLIVER** (looking like he's going to object but then thinking better of it and shrugging): No, we're good.

(They begin to spar, circling each other, both of them doing a good job of deflecting one another. When OLIVER speaks, though, it catches LAUREL off-guard, so she almost loses her balance for a moment.)

 **OLIVER:** I'm wondering what William's up to.

 **LAUREL:** He misses you, I'm sure.

 **OLIVER:** I doubt he cares about some friend of his mom's that he saw like four times.

 **LAUREL:** I'm sure he cares about the Green Arrow, though. And he does care for you. As Oliver Queen.

 **OLIVER** (bitterly): How can you be so sure?

 **LAUREL:** Because I was there when he saw you. When he said 'hi, Ollie' with a smile that most children who had just been kidnapped wouldn't be capable of.

 **OLIVER:** What makes him different?

 **LAUREL** (simply): He's your son.

(They stop, both of them breathing a little more heavily than before. OLIVER holds out his hand and LAUREL instinctively passes him her tonfa. He goes to the table, putting down their weapons and reaching for the half-empty bottle of water, taking a swig and then passing it to LAUREL.)

 **OLIVER:** Can I ask you something?

 **LAUREL** (raising her eyebrows): Sure.

 **OLIVER:** Do you ever think about… what could have been for us?

(Unexpectedly LAUREL turns away and for some reason it's like she's suddenly fighting tears.)

 **LAUREL** (voice thick with suppressed emotion): Not really.

OLIVER (putting his hand on her shoulder): Hey. Talk to me.

 **LAUREL** (turning to him and raising her fists, planting her feet): Let's go again.

 **OLIVER** (relenting and blocking her punch just in time but not dropping the subject): Laurel… is there something you're not telling me?

 **LAUREL** (determinedly avoiding his gaze): There was a time… after Tommy's death… when I, uh -

 **OLIVER:** Laurel -

 **LAUREL:** To this day I don't know whose baby it was.

 **OLIVER** (stopping short, his voice hushed and barely audible): You were pregnant?

 **LAUREL** : I was only about ten weeks, ten or eleven, the doctor said, and I was in such a mess after Tommy died and - you left and I couldn't get the dates right, so I… wasn't sure if it was yours or Tommy's.

 **OLIVER** (the twinge of guilt he feels evident in his eyes): What did you do?

 **LAUREL** (surprised at how calm he is given what she's just dropped on him): I thought about it. Talked it through with my mom and dad -

 **OLIVER:** Wait - Captain Lance knew?

 **LAUREL** (smiling ever so slightly): Well, back then he was only Officer Lance, thanks to you, but - yeah. The only good thing that came out of… everything that happened, really, was that I got my family back. They were there for me.

 **OLIVER:** So what did you decide?

(She doesn't answer immediately, instead aiming successfully for OLIVER's shoulder, perhaps harder than intended, but he doesn't seem to register it, really - he just looks at her expectantly waiting for an answer.)

 **LAUREL:** Well, I figured that… if he was Tommy's it would be like - a piece of him would live on. And if he was yours… I couldn't reach you, but my mom told me - if he was yours, if you ever did decide to come home, you'd have someone to come home _to_.

 **OLIVER** (closing his eyes and pressing his lips together in pain because that means what he thinks it means): Y-you - lost the baby?

 **LAUREL:** At about twelve weeks, yeah.

 **OLIVER:** Oh my God. Laurel, why didn't you tell me?

(LAUREL lands a punch on his chest this time.)

 **LAUREL:** I didn't see the point. You had enough to worry about with your mom, with Thea, Queen Consolidated, Slade, God, even Sara - you didn't need me adding to things. (She punches him again in the chest and her fists are starting to hurt now.)

 **OLIVER:** You should have told me.

 **LAUREL:** Remember I told you I felt we had betrayed Tommy because we slept together?

(The hard candour in LAUREL's eyes makes OLIVER look away and she lands another punch.)

 **OLIVER:** It wasn't just about Tommy.

 **LAUREL:** No, it wasn't. But I didn't tell you that. I couldn't.

 **OLIVER** (again): You should have told me. And not because I'm anyone to judge about keeping secrets -

 **LAUREL:** You're practically the poster boy for secret keeping, Ollie.

 **OLIVER:** \- but because - I was out of line with you.

 **LAUREL** (caught momentarily off-guard): What do you mean?

 **OLIVER:** Every time I've said something shitty in the heat of the moment about your… addiction. In the hallway outside your apartment -

 **LAUREL:** In the alleyway outside Verdant.

 **OLIVER:** I was wrong. But now it's like - I was even more wrong because I didn't even know what caused you to… hit rock bottom the way you did. If I did, maybe I wouldn't have said the things I said. And for that, Laurel, I'm sorry.

(And it's like a dam has burst because LAUREL's fists are raised - shakingly - in a fighting stance, but at his words her lip begins to tremble and the tears finally spurt out and OLIVER doesn't say anything, just hugs her tightly. She hugs back for dear life and her next words are said into his chest.)

 **LAUREL:** It's not your fault.

 **OLIVER:** I should have been there for you. I'm sorry I left.

 **LAUREL** (shaking her head): You were… figuring things out on Lian Yu. I get it.

 **OLIVER:** How did you -

 **LAUREL:** I know you better than anyone, remember? That, and, uh, John told me how he and Felicity went to get you from there weeks later. But,Ollie, it's not your fault. Just like it's not your fault that Tommy wasn't there either. Especially when you came back to me.

 **OLIVER** (softly): I always said I would. I just - wish we had more time. I would do anything to go back and fix things.

(She pulls away, turns to grab a towel which she puts around her neck.)

 **LAUREL:** If we could go back… I would have told you sooner. There was just - never a right time. And it's never been brought up between us. Until now, I mean. But - for what it's worth? No matter who the father was, I already knew what I was going to name him if he was a boy.

 **OLIVER** (without skipping a beat): Tommy.

 **LAUREL** (chuckling): Was it that obvious?

 **OLIVER:** Just to me. And - Laurel?

 **LAUREL:** Yeah?

(OLIVER reaches out, taking LAUREL's hand in both his own and squeezing firmly. LAUREL squeezes back.)

 **OLIVER:** Regardless of if it was my child or Tommy's… that child would have had the strongest mom in the whole damn world.


End file.
